Imagine you’re sitting across from a co-worker, any co-worker, and all the memorable experiences that make up the core of your relationship were physically present, floating in the air between the two of you.

What’s there?

Now imagine that all of the positive experiences are clear threads of good will upon which you can hang trust.  Positive experiences can look like a time when they:

  • had your back
  • supported you or helped you out
  • did what they said they would do – and then some
  • brought you your favorite beverage or snack
  • covered you in an emergency
  • with genuine interest, asked about your family or weekend
  • brought you an article they thought you would be interested in
  • meaningfully appreciated your efforts
  • truly saw/witnessed who you are in the world

Now imagine that all of the negative or unaddressed experiences are rocks of varying weights and size.  Some of these rocks have the capacity to grow in size when unattended.  Negative experiences can look like a time when they:

  • didn’t do what they said they would do
  • excluded, ignored  or dismissed you
  • lied to you
  • talked behind your back
  • borrowed something and didn’t return it on time
  • were again late for an important gathering
  • betrayed your confidence
  • were unavailable or inaccessible when you needed them
  • harsh about your weaknesses

When you look at the space between you two – what are the quantity and thickness of the threads?  And what are the quantity and weight of the rocks?   Do the threads have a fighting chance?  Are there just a few pebbles, or one big gargantuan rock?

Now have you considered the above, but from the other person’s experience of you? – “A time when you…”

For crystal clear communication, there is nothing visible in the space.  There are no obstacles (rocks) you are trying to dodge, work around, avoid, ignore etc.  There are no filters in which you are hearing the other person through – no alternative motives that are being assumed or applied to the interpretation.

If you would like to remove rocks or at least shrink them, simply e-mail me at kris@choosepeople.com and I will send you the tool, “How to Remove Rocks – What to Say and How to Say it.”