What To Know About Gossip at Work

Gossip is undermining and diminishing. It diminishes trust, reputation, focus, and inclusion. Gossip is incredibly detrimental to any organization.

When we at Choose People talk about this with teams, everyone nods. We all understand this. Yet we continue to gossip. Why?

It's not because we're bad people. It's usually not because we want to be mean. It's not even because we're bored.

Gossip is the quickest and easiest way to emotional intimacy.

When we as team members do not have healthy avenues to meaningfully connect, we will often default to this old-age way of seeking cheap momentary connection because gossip creates a feeling of alliance and safety.

We've found there are usually 4 main reasons gossip continues despite leaders' clear directions to stop. Do they apply to your team right now?

The 4 Main Reasons People Gossip at Work

1. ‍BELONGING: People want to belong and be included.

If people believe they don’t have information others have, they will feel excluded and on the outside of the inner circle. Remember, information is power. Everyone wants to be part of the team and to be included, and the easiest way to identify those who are part of a tribe are those who are “in the know.”

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‍2. FEAR: People who feel insecure seek out comparison and validation.

If someone doesn't feel secure at work, they often compare themselves to others to determine if they're doing okay. Think of it as benchmarking. The problem with this approach, though, is that the only way to compare yourself to another and leave that comparison feeling secure is by having the other person somehow be less great than you.

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3. INTIMACY: People crave intimacy and a sense of connection.

Because of the rapid pace of our world and the lack of real-deal authentic communication with one another, many people crave a sense of genuine human connection and intimacy. Gossip is one of the quickest and easiest ways to connect with another human being. The secrecy, forbidden, and exclusive nature of confiding in someone (especially with something that’s a bit subversive or judgmental) is social superglue. Through the veneer of momentary vulnerability and trust, the two gossiping people are bonded. Unfortunately, gossip is a very sloppy second to real, meaningful connection, because it ultimately raises the question of how trustworthy we are.
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4. TEAM (and personal) IDENTITY: People want to work with people they think of as peers.

If someone isn’t carrying their own weight, isn’t competent or capable enough to do their job, or simply isn’t a good culture fit, then there will be gossip. Rather than being a “narc” or addressing it directly with the person, team members will talk both about said individual and leadership’s lack of awareness/action. And they will talk often. The longer the performance issue goes unaddressed, the louder and more embedded the gossip becomes—and the more divided and dysfunctional the team grows.

What to Do About Gossip at Work

Whatever the causes, gossip at work feeds off silence and separation. The good news is that it's easier than you might think to turn the tide and remove the reasons for gossip on your team.

We've listed a few of our favorite methods in 4 Ways to Reduce Gossip at Work, but if you're ready to start right now, try our highly regarded Speed Connecting Activity to break down silos and start building real deal connection and camaraderie. You'll be amazed how quickly the gossip disappears!

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