Navigating effective communication in the workplace

We emphasize over and over how important it is to speak to someone directly. Oftentimes managers will ask: 

“But what if I’m talking to someone else as a sounding board? Or a team member wants to use me as a sounding board? Shouldn't I be available to help them?”

Great question! Here's the thing—sounding boards are sneaky.

When sounding boards go wrong

At their best, a sounding board helps you work through a concern, consider your contribution to the situation, assess your assumptions and triggers, and mold your phrasing. Healthy sounding boards will also insist on follow-through communication and check in afterwards.

More often than not, though, sounding boards become dark corners of veiled gossip.

‍Your sounding board understands. Your sounding board relates. The result? You receive validation and do nothing because you feel better and righteous. Nothing has been resolved.

‍But your sounding board’s perception of the person you spoke about has changed, without that person having any opportunity to share their experience or intentions.

In this instance, you have just gossiped (or, if you are the sounding board, you have just unwittingly participated in gossip).

Why gossip destroys effective communication in the workplace

Gossiping diminishes how someone is perceived, heard, and considered by someone else. It creates bias, without giving that person a chance to speak up for themselves.

And nothing gets resolved. The frustration will continue.

Sometimes, with the best of intentions, a sounding board will offer to speak to the person you're struggling with on your behalf. This doesn't work. It simply encourages troublesome triangulation—intentions get misrepresented, facts get twisted, and understanding drifts further away.

A better way to support your teammates

Let’s say you're the sounding board. You want to support your coworker, but you also want to avoid gossip and support effective communication in the workplace. What do you do?

You say something like:

“Hey Dwight, I know you’re frustrated with Angela. I’d struggle with this too.

You really need to talk to her directly. We’re all in this department together, and when the two of you don’t get along, it impacts all of us.

I know you two can figure it out. You’re both smart, capable people with good intentions.

I want what’s best for you and the team. If you want to talk through how to have the conversation with her, I’m happy to help. But I don’t want to talk about Angela unless you’re going to reach out to her directly.”

How managers can encourage effective communication in the workplace

And remember: as a manager, if someone on your team brings you a complaint about a coworker and asks you to do something about it but "don't tell them I said anything"—do not action it or take that concern to their coworker. This is the worst form of triangulation and will cause mistrust on your team.

(Obviously, this doesn't apply to serious complaints like harassment.)

Instead, coach and guide your team member to speak directly with their teammate. If it was important enough to bring to you, it's important enough to bring to their coworker. It's clearly impacting their working relationship—and thus, the work.

Not sure how to say that? You can use the same script above, and simply add what to do if they can't work it out.

If you're getting stuck or striking out, that's OK. Just tell Angela, “Hey, we haven’t been able to get this resolved. I’m going to ask our manager to meet with us and help us work it out.” That way, nothing happens behind anyone’s back.

Create team norms that build trust

When a team agrees to speak directly to one another first—before going to a supervisor—tremendous trust is built. This is one of the quiet power moves that strengthens effective communication in the workplace and sets a cultural tone of respect and accountability.

Here’s to creating a team where colleagues can and do talk to one another directly first!

Want more tools for building a connected, high-trust team?

Explore how our culture workshops can support effective communication in the workplace.