Have you ever told a team member "don't share this with anyone"? Or had someone say that to you?

Most of us have. But if you’re in a position of authority and you say this to one of your team members—BOOM! Thin ice magically appears below your feet as well as theirs. You have just created a precarious predicament.

Both of you are implicated—you in sharing and them in knowing.

Asking a team member to withhold information from other team members borders on asking them to be covert.

There are times that call for short-term confidential measures. However, there are many times when this type of request is unnecessary, and it puts the team member in an awkward position of loyalty to their boss vs. transparency with their colleagues.

As leaders, sometimes we simply don’t want to be all alone holding the heavy bag of knowledge—and yet as a leader, that’s what there is to do. Other times, we want a sounding board to validate our tough decisions—so we have to instead seek someone who is not a team member. Sometimes we're using this language to try to strengthen bonds of trust. There are much more productive ways to build trust; and know, depending on the situation, you may actually be deemed less trustworthy overall.

Be really thoughtful before you make this request. Ask yourself: Does this person have to know this information at this time? And if so, do they really need to keep it hidden? What positive outcome comes from having this person know this information now—can they truly contribute something no one else can?

Ultimately, overall transparency and direct communication should be your go-to. It can be harder, but the culture you create is much stronger than one built on thin ice.