One of the most challenging promotions for a team member is going from teammate to manager. How would you handle it—or handle being on the other side of it?
Our time-tested guidance can help ease the discomfort for everyone with six keys that help ease the discomfort of this transition.
1. Set clear boundaries and expectations
(This means some new habits for you both.)
- Do not discuss work outside of work
- Do not discuss personal situations/issues at work, unless it impacts performance
- Make personal plans on personal time
- Specify your role when offering advice — “Speaking as your manager” or “Speaking as your friend”
- Don’t ask friends at work to “do it for me because we’re friends”
- When your friend isn’t adhering to the work/personal boundaries, affirm and redirect. “That’s good to know. Can you tell me more after work/when we're back at work?”
- Never share other team members’ information with a friend
- Never vent to a friend who is a direct report about work
- Remember that you’re both at work to accomplish work; the friendship can’t impede the work
2. Make the tough call
Status inequality can be hard on friendships. However, if you choose to step into a leadership role, loyalty to the work has to come before loyalty to your friend.
If it can’t, you shouldn’t be leading that individual. Request to be demoted or see if that individual can be on another team—and choose now before you’re forced to make that call. (Could you sit through Wednesday night dinner at your friend’s home knowing they’re going to be let go on Friday?)
3. Be rational, fair, and objective
Treat your friend the same as you would anyone else on your team while at work. Favoritism, special treatment, or special exceptions create resentment and alienate others. You will lose credibility as a leader and cause disunity within the team.
Preemptively clarify to your friend how important being objective and fair is.
Ask yourself: Would you behave the same way if you didn’t have a personal history with this person?
Management should not vary based on chemistry or personality.
4. Remember: True work friendships won’t want you to compromise your responsibilities; they’ll want you to succeed.
They won’t put you in a situation where you have to choose between friendship and work.
5. Don’t confuse being liked with being trusted and respected.
6. And lastly, remember—especially if you’re new to management—that being the manager doesn’t mean you now have power and control.
It means you’re responsible for supporting the success of every individual on your team. At the end of the day, you’re there to guide, support, and serve.
Now that you know how to balance supervising work friendships, enjoy both your friendships and the beautiful honor it is to lead a team.
Want to build healthier work friendships while strengthening your culture? Explore our culture workshops for practical tools to support your team.
