Dreaded In-Fighting – Six Steps on How to get a Handle on the Beast

All it takes is two.

Two employees at each other’s throats is all it takes to wreak havoc in the work place where the focus is no longer the work at hand.  If employees are not terribly distracted by the lack of efficiency caused by their co-workers, then they are waiting to hear the latest gossip in the drama.  In-fighting causes an enormous disruption to an organization.  In some cases, businesses are plagued by whole departments who are ready to battle one another.  Next thing you know, the evil term “politics” has reared its ugly head.

To truly get the ramifications of the nastiness and all-pervasiveness of in-fighting – imagine that ALL the nit picky, finger pointing, gossip mongering is gross green brown sludge that every time it gets spoken is literally spewed across the office, leaving dripping sticky slimy residue on paperclips, pens, paper and people.

And don’t think your customers don’t feel the pain – if they don’t hear it in the strained voices of your sludged employees, then they experience it in the excuse of “miscommunication” that they could care less about as to why Mary didn’t give Joe the information he needed to do his job, (though everyone knows it’s because he did the same thing to her last week).  I’m telling you – it’s an evil, ugly cycle.

So what is management to do when two employees who have historically been valuable assets to the organization are now the biggest liabilities?

Usually management does one of several things when faced with in-fighting:

• They deal with it “head on” in a “conversation” that consists of a stern talking to with knit eyebrows and shaking fingers.  In my own experience, this addresses the issue, but not effectively – both individuals leave degraded and more angry than when they started.  Not ideal if the intention is retention.
• A good intentioned, wimpy memo goes out to the entire company “reminding” everyone of proper positive attitudes (gag) – as if the employees don’t know who the message is intended for.
• Prayers that eventually the issue will simply “go away” – causing a horrible example for the rest of the employees not to mention management loses credibility with the employees (which also happens in #2 by the way) and an opportunity for the fighting to reach an all-memorable, tell the story for years to come, blow-out.
•  In a fit of frustration, rashly fires both employees, and feels the long lasting lash from the  remaining employees compassionate to the plight of either one of them.

Since none of these options is ideal – what else is out there?

Here’s my suggestion.  You have to have a conversation – but not one in quotes.  A real one.  And not about all the nit-picky pointing fingers crud that’s been spewing and been thrown back and forth for however long it took to get to this point.  No one can win this one.  Trust me – I’ve tried.  Instead try a conversation that goes something like this:

1)      Have them describe what makes them tick.  Asks them both Why do you come to work each day?  Their answer may be that their passionate about the company’s success (if they drank the KoolAid), it may be about the education of children if they’re a teacher, or innovation and discovery if they’re a tech person.  For some it’s simply the bonus or the paycheck that lets them go fishing or follow their love of travel.  Whatever it is – let them talk about it, extensively.  Really have them paint the picture of why they do the work they do – what motivates them.

2)      Validate each of them.  Let them each know that the other person’s passion is as valid and important to them as their passion is to him/her. Duh – I know – but it helps to make this clear.

3)      Show them their impact.  Let them know that their in-fighting is not just hurting the individual they’re fighting against, they’re hurting all of the employees around them, the customers and the company reputation.   And ultimately they’re hurting themselves, because they could lose their jobs and the sustenance to their families or to the passion that drives them.  If they’re passionate about children, they’re hurting them.  If they’re passionate about innovation, they’re hindering it.  If they’re passionate about travel, they’re jeopardizing the income that feeds it.

4)      Point out their co-dependency.  Explain – Oh and guess what, the fulfillment of your passion through this company is dependent upon getting along with the person you despise.  Make it clear – This isn’t your adversary – this is your partner in crime in achieving your passion.

5)      Totally turn the situation on its head.  Ask them – So what would it look like if they were making sure the other person had the most successful day possible?  What would it look like if they helped the other person?  Really have them name the actions they would take.

6)      Ask THE Question. Ask them if they’re willing to let go of the nasty crud and start fresh – yes with rainbows and butterflies – how else are they going to get there!  If the answer is no, then they need to move on.  If they are truly dedicated to fulfilling their passion through your business, then they should see the value in moving onward and upward.

No doubt, this is a tough one.  Not easily solved.  Just know that the sooner it’s addressed the better – nip it in the bud!